Nutshell: Can something be awful and amazing at the same time? Well, Gods of Egypt is certainly giving it its best shot. With crazy action scenes, a nutso plot, and CGI that feels like the SyFy channel and 1999’s The Mummy had a lovechild of doom, this film tries for Glorious Epic and comes off 50s Throwback. And I haven’t even started on my #GodsSoWhite rant yet. Bumping this up half a grade for its sheer balls, and for Geoffrey Rush’s weird fishtail braid. Grade: C-
Nope, that quote above isn’t from Winnie the Pooh. Well okay, it is. But it’s also here in Gods of Egypt. And not only is it spoken by one of the “Gods”, it’s probably what every member of the cast and crew thought to themselves once the reality of this movie really set in. But hey, everyone’s got a mortgage that needs to be paid, amirite?
Director Alex Proyas seems determined to complete the downward spiral he’s started after his work on 1994’s brilliant Brandon Lee superhero flick The Crow. I, Robot, Knowing, and now this…movie. Gods of Egypt is like the world’s craziest D&D campaign run amok, where the DM has taken the rule book, the mythos for the world, and any semblance of coherence, and chucked ’em all out the window. But if you’re ready to settle in — after a few beers or better yet, several shots of the strongest liquor in your cabinet (something white, to set the mood) — I’ll dig a bit deeper so you know what you’ll be getting yourself into.