Geek For E!

TwitView: “A Cure For Wellness”

Promising start, horrible-in-a-bad-way finish.  In-between is a whole lot of horror padding, and a waste of gorgeous cinematography and production design.  If you must head out to see this derivative mess, watch the first 40 minutes, then head home and write the rest in your head.  I guarantee it’ll be better than what goes on onscreen.

TwitView: The Conjuring 2

CONJURING 2 posterSequel slump averted – this film has scares, chills and creepyness just like it’s predecessor.  The horror is upped a bit here, but it’s still got that claustrophobic chill director James Wan does so well.  Recommended for all horror fans.  Horror lightweight?  You may want to stay home…or wait ’til Netflix, when you can watch with the lights on. Grade: A

“Warcraft” – so, that happened.

Warcraft (2016)At a hair over two hours, Warcraft feels like four.  That’s a hint and a half for your poor theater-seat tuchas, and your poor confused brain.  Confused?  Yep; because all through Warcraft there will be one overwhelming question on your mind:

What the [RADIO EDIT] is going on here?

I don’t know.  Wish I could tell you.  And apparently the screenwriters, director and cast don’t know either.  Pity.  The trailer was awesome.  Really had me psyched for this.  Unfortunately, a muddled script that feels like nobody bothered to check continuity when rewrites hit, hobbled this film.  Crippled it beyond any hope of salvation.

Pity, as the cast is as game as they can be, considering they all have the shell-shocked look of ones who know they’ve made a horrible, horrible mistake that they’ll never be able to walk away from.

Plot?  Here ’tis: stop the Orcs.  That’s it.

Writer/Director Duncan Jones obviously got too close to his film, and apparently had nobody to tell him that nothing made sense.  And that’s a pity crying shame, because Warcraft is gorgeous to look at.  Art direction, costuming, set design; it’s all very well done.

Don’t bother, unless you’re a diehard D&D, Fantasy or of course a WoW fan.

TwitView: Me Before You

me before you onesheetLight, fluffy romance that has a core of real-life tragedy that’s never fully explored.  But Clarke and Caflin are amazing together, and it’s beautiful to look at.  Bring tissues, and your ability to sail past the idea that perhaps this romance never would have happened if he wasn’t blessed with the money to keep the all too real daily hardships deep under cover. Grade: B

TwitView: “Mother’s Day”

mothers day 2016 onesheetA whole lot funnier – and, surprisingly, sweeter – than I anticipated. Then again, I anticipated sheer crap. Director Gary Marshall manages to take what could have been a hideous train wreck of sap and turns it into a light, fun piece that may not stick with you for very long, but won’t cause any lasting damage either. A full grade bump-down for an absolutely horrible, bouncy sap-fest end credits song. Grade: B-

TwitView: Sing Street

sing streetDirector John Carney proves he can put lightning in a bottle anytime he likes.  Sing Street echoes his earlier films Once and Begin Again, channeling the character’s emotions and times through the music that they make.  And what sweet music it is.

Wobbly bits of characterization and plot can’t stop this beautiful music from making an impact.  Expect original songs “Drive It Like You Stole It” and “To Find You” to hit radio stations in 3…2… Grade: A-

Movie Review: “Everybody Wants Some!!”

everybody wants some onesheet“I know what we’re doing here.  We’re playing baseball.  What are all these other people doing here?”

Liked Dazed and Confused, with it’s ensemble cast and “day in the life of” vibe?  Well then, Everybody Wants Some!! will be more of the same, straight from D&C‘s Richard Linklater.  Everybody is a cool-ass trip for those of us who grew up in the 80s, but could scare a lot of kids who don’t really wanna know what their parents were up to when they were young.

Everybody starts off at fictional Southern Texas University in August, 1980, with baseball-scholarship frosh Jake getting to his digs for the year.  The baseball team has been given two houses just off campus, to help with the overcrowding at the dorms.  Jake meets his teammates, bon-vivant Finn (Glen Powell, Scream Queens), stoner Willoughby (Wyatt Russell), laid-back Dale (J. Quinton Johnson), badass Mac (Tyler Hoechlin, Teen Wolf) and many more.   He’s one of four freshmen added to the roster that year, so in the days before school officially starts, he’s got to navigate the new world of college as well as the bro-culture bonding of his House.  Not to mention finding the time to figure out who that cute girl is he saw when he first arrived. (That’d be Beverly, played by Ringer‘s Zoey Deutch…) No problem.  Bring on the keg stands! [Read more…]

“Gods of Egypt” is a godawful, glorious mess

gods of egyptNutshell: Can something be awful and amazing at the same time?  Well, Gods of Egypt is certainly giving it its best shot.  With crazy action scenes, a nutso plot, and CGI that feels like the SyFy channel and 1999’s The Mummy had a lovechild of doom, this film tries for Glorious Epic and comes off 50s Throwback.  And I haven’t even started on my #GodsSoWhite rant yet.  Bumping this up half a grade for its sheer balls, and for Geoffrey Rush’s weird fishtail braid.  Grade: C-

“Oh, bother.”

Nope, that quote above isn’t from Winnie the Pooh.  Well okay, it is.  But it’s also here in Gods of Egypt.  And not only is it spoken by one of the “Gods”, it’s probably what every member of the cast and crew thought to themselves once the reality of this movie really set in.  But hey, everyone’s got a mortgage that needs to be paid, amirite?

Director Alex Proyas seems determined to complete the downward spiral he’s started after his work on 1994’s brilliant Brandon Lee superhero flick The CrowI, Robot, Knowing, and now this…movie.  Gods of Egypt is like the world’s craziest D&D campaign run amok, where the DM has taken the rule book, the mythos for the world, and any semblance of coherence, and chucked ’em all out the window.  But if you’re ready to settle in — after a few beers or better yet, several shots of the strongest liquor in your cabinet (something white, to set the mood) — I’ll dig a bit deeper so you know what you’ll be getting yourself into.

[Read more…]